Saturday, August 15, 2009


Ahhhh time for another blog. you can thank me later
What have I been up to? not much. this an that. did you know I'm going to college? yeah. they let me in some how. Chalk one up for Longshot. OH! that reminds me... ~dreamsequence ringtone~
ok so for my most recent birthday, a group of girls (who shall remain nameless for time's sake) decided Hey! lets go get Schroeder's house! ...silly girls.
the next morning, and by "morning" I mean the sun wasn't even up. I was awoken by voices. it was that inbetween sleep stage where you realize you left your mind on the pillow. something about "police" and "bologna" and "toilet paper" and then I went back to bed. Retaliation was inevetable

Some of the suspects were obvious and I eventually got what I thought was the entire "guest list" as it became known. Well this was a largish list. Definately one I'd need backup for. SO gathering my closest and mostly trustworthy friends we set into action. The glory of it was that our meeting was also my birthday party. And we couldn't very well talk about the attack if the victim is sitting at your elbow eating your pizza. So we (about 4 or 5 of us) stole off into the night/back corner of the yard. but one party-attendee had heard about the desicration of my home and was wondering what I was going to do about it. So we invited him in the discussion. He was later called Beast. We decided we needed nicknames. for everything. and since we are (mostly) all mega-nerds we went with an X-Men theme. Being the "Luckiest Kid in the World" that I am, I chose Longshot, the super 80's, blond mullet-ed super clone with the power to manipulate probabilities and make his own luck. also good with kids.
Turns out Beast, the one that was mentioned earlier, was a double agent! He had tp-ed my house in the first place. Psh! you KNOW he's not getting away with that. So with some very clever coversationing we got Beast to chicken out, (queue triumphant music) and the party was down to 4.

The Guest List dwindled down to 3 houses and the house was filled with "party favors" (the overall mission was dubbed "Kc's Birthday Party" so we could talk about "the party" freely in front of targets) so that night, Longshot (thats me) Gambit, Wade, and Nightcrawler went out and got all 3 houses. plus one bonus round house that was just for the leftover tp

House #1
codename: Cupcake
about 2330 hours

Cupcake's back yard was bordered by a very handy wash. Gambit and I ran around the block, found a way to the wash, and hopped in the back yard. Very ninja if I say so myself. We tped the place mercilessly. This was Gambit's first time tping and was understandably nervous about wrapping a strange tree in a dark yard. but he did rather well and we got out without a hitch.

We left the front to Wade and Nightcrawler. they were also new at it and Gambit was happy to show off his newly found toilet papering technique.

House #2
codename: Pinata (because we were going to hit it the hardest)
about 0100 hours

This was the veritable fortress. spaning 2 regular house lots, it was equiped with motion sensing lights, sugar high children with small blatters, and a very yappy dog. any number of these things could have blown our cover. the Death Star of tp targets. I climbed the predetermined tree and "mummy wraped" the thing head to toe., leaf to root. whatever. this took eternally long and it was litterally 90 degrees. gotta love AZ. after my mummified tree, Gambit and Nightcrawler (Wade had to go home) began to motion their concerns about dehydration. so I thought,

plan A: drink from the hose. practical, possible, probable. but this was no ordinary tp job. so that was out.

plan B: drink from the pool. impractical, possible, improbable. hmmm... our story would sound impressive if we say we drank from the target's pool. but its pretty gross. especially with all those saltine crackers and tp we just threw in it. so thats out.
so whats left? plan C. I always save plan C for the most crazy, outragious option that would be a longshot to pull off. whats this crazy plan you say? I tell my companions, Don't worry about it. I got it. the suspence.... build it.... and....
I drew this at the line for the midnight showing of Transformers 2

thats the whole X-Men gang

(clockwise from left, Nightcrawler, Jean Grey, Cable, Wade, Longshot, and Gambit)


Plan C you say?
Plan C: get some glasses from inside. ...wait? what? yes I said it. go inside the house we are vandlizing. impractical, impossible, improbable you say? perfect.

So I check the backdoor, *click and its open. it opens with the classic *crrreeeeaaaakkkk that you're sure the entire neighborhood could hear. but its open! I've been to their house a million times. practically lived there for a week last summer so even though its pitch black I got it down. I step over the invisible toys, and on to the scariest part. the staircase. this is the kind of Indiana Jones spiral staircase where the wrong step too close to the center and you slide back down to the bottom. but too far out and you're bound to kick a wookie action figure and loose your balance. the stairs go from a size 2 shoe on one end and a size 9 on the other. not an easy task for my 11's
but I'm up. the computer is on, a make shift night light, and on the other side is the parent's room. scary enough as it is but somehow being there in the middle of the night, unwelcome, is something new entirely. a short walk to the kitchen, find the cabinet with the cups, and fill two glasses. I drank them both. no sence in making multiple trips. filling the cups again I thought. Man, this is awesome. My kids can never know about this. and then out to the side garage door. it was locked but not to the inside. HA! made it!
I find my comrads and they greedily sip the water. finally Nightcrawler catches on. "Dude, are these their cups?"
"yes. yes they are"
oh and the barricades! at the inital attack on my house, barricades were used to block the front door. so one was placed at each house and "Pinata" got 2. on the roof. aww yeah...
long story short I ninja-ed my way up to the top of the house, had Nightcrawler and Gambit hoist up the barricades, and (using the utmost stratigery) planted them on opposite sides of the front door area. but now to get down.... the way I came? the easy and clear choice? no way! I trailblaze to the wall dividing Pinata from its neighbor. I quickly manuver down to the wall... but there is a tree in the way. well too late to change course! onward!
I get on my belly (it was a crazy thick tree) and crawl between the tight spot of branches and brick to the front. but... now what? I had no exit stratagy.
Plan A: Jump and pray
Plan B: hang off the now tangible roof and drop
Plan C: Shimmy down the palm tree, George of the Jungle style
HA! NO WAY I'm doing palm trees again! I still have scars. but thats another story
plan B works
so now we're about 2 rolls from being done and a whole bag of saltines. what to do what to do... well I have to return the cups anyway so... lets go in! Muah ha ha ha ha ha!!!
we go inside, I'm explaining the layout of the house the entire time like a lame Disney attraction, "stay to the right of the stairs. on the left is ____'s room. ahead is the kitchen..."
we deposit the crackers on the sofa and the living room area. I drop the cups in the sink and we take off. WOOT!
House #3
approx 0400
"Jelly Beans"
in our defense, we were tired and didn't have alot to do at this house. we pretty much just threw a few random rolls and dropped our calling card (a mini can of Spam with an X on it) and took off. we figured the lack of trying would be an insult in its self. turns out she was out of town anyway.
House #4
approx 0500
"Bonus Round"
Gambit had a score to settle. and this house had an AMAZING tree. done in under 15 min
all an all it was amazing. don't tell my kids

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BYU Animation Major. Going into storyboarding, concept art, and 3D modeling.